shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize