there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
