I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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