Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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