really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
