You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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