You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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