So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
