ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
