i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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