He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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