I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize