They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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