I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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