If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
