i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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