he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize