tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
