ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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