I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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