He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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