I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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