He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
