so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think people are normalizing furries
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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