im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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