went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
