You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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