wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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