If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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