Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just shotgunned beers for America
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is classic penis vs brain.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
