I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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