Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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