so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
