My friends, they love my intelligence
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
