reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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