Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
