I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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