this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
