piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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