I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want a musical about memes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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