It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you had me at cake vodka
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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