im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
