I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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