I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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