i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
