Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
