is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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