Your tits are I can't wait for
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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