i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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