1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
