He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
