I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
