We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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