You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
