after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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