some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
