I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.