don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dating After Heartbreak
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight