With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.