Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.