Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.

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  (301): My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make. http://tfl.nu/4how
  Replies (51) Good night (977) Bad night (5231)
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  (914): View more from New York

  after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.

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  (914): after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/2bsg
  Replies (41) Good night (788) Bad night (6335)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations

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  (603): I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations http://tfl.nu/80g5
  Replies (10) Good night (1181) Bad night (4309)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

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  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (8607) Bad night (1803)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.

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  (816): I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic. http://tfl.nu/t2fd
  Replies (7) Good night (2689) Bad night (1143)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source

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  (813): literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source http://tfl.nu/0y8j
  Replies (14) Good night (1068) Bad night (3618)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''

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  (608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!'' http://tfl.nu/g7vx
  Replies (22) Good night (7299) Bad night (969)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

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  (574): Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things. http://tfl.nu/zj1a
  Replies (6) Good night (2945) Bad night (722)
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  (925): View more from California

  I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched

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  (925): I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched http://tfl.nu/8lpn
  Replies (2) Good night (706) Bad night (1208)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea

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  (906): Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea http://tfl.nu/gfkd
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (889)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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  (508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga
  Replies (16) Good night (2199) Bad night (775)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

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  (412): my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush? http://tfl.nu/kyl4
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman

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  (716): She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman http://tfl.nu/qx5u
  Replies (5) Good night (920) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.

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  (423): His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't. http://tfl.nu/52tt
  Replies (3) Good night (341) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?

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  (267): The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages? http://tfl.nu/e59q
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (383)

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