Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost