Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch

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  (914): omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch http://tfl.nu/rn4k
  Replies (26) Good night (650) Bad night (6916)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?

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  (201): Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning? http://tfl.nu/326j
  Replies (31) Good night (834) Bad night (2256)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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  (630): Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself. http://tfl.nu/qlu7
  Replies (42) Good night (5936) Bad night (955)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

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  (917): M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/5zhv
  Replies (22) Good night (7247) Bad night (1041)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense

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  (207): My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense http://tfl.nu/p3xl
  Replies (11) Good night (6323) Bad night (1014)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

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  (405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal
  Replies (6) Good night (4010) Bad night (1049)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even

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  (717): She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even http://tfl.nu/tali
  Replies (14) Good night (3246) Bad night (1388)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.

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  (360): just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe. http://tfl.nu/xu32
  Replies (6) Good night (2355) Bad night (959)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.

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  (863): my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car. http://tfl.nu/8sk6
  Replies (10) Good night (1624) Bad night (712)
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  (530): View more from California

  You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours

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  (530): You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours http://tfl.nu/u33l
  Replies (11) Good night (2135) Bad night (659)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.

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  (440): Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved. http://tfl.nu/v30q
  Replies (3) Good night (1670) Bad night (510)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage

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  (303): The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage http://tfl.nu/rn3i
  Replies (8) Good night (2335) Bad night (897)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

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  (314): I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that. http://tfl.nu/dkkg
  Replies (3) Good night (672) Bad night (292)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next

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  (202): Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next http://tfl.nu/dw8t
  Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (721)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month

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  (773): In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month http://tfl.nu/vo21
  Replies (6) Good night (1377) Bad night (266)

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