Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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