M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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