That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
