Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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