It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
