You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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