When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
